The Full Effects of Morphine
by DodgerHolden
Summary: Bella's transformation conversation with Carlisle. Bella decides that it is time that Carlisle knows the truth about her becoming a vampire. Oneshot, contains spoilers for Breaking Dawn.


**A/N- **This is my first Twilight fan fic and also my first oneshot, so read and review

This oneshot consists of Bella's transformation conversation with Carlisle. I was disappointed that it wasn't in Breaking Dawn, so I decided to write it myself

**Disclaimer-** I do not own Twilight, it belongs to Stephenie Meyer

I hope you enjoy

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I was still a newborn vampire, so it made it especially hard to get Edward to go hunting without me. I convinced him in the end by telling him that I wasn't thirsty, he didn't believe me of course, but he also didn't argue. I got him to take Renesmee with him. She was so intelligent and aware for her age, I didn't need her around to pick up on my confessions. She'd immediately show Edward and the whole point of this was to save Edward any unnecessary pain. I sat on the Cullen's… well our couch and waited. I pulled my knees up to my chest protectively and laid my head on top of them.

"Why won't she go hunting?" I hear Edward ask Carlisle in the other room, sometimes I think he forgets that I can hear him now, but then again he probably just does it on purpose.

"I don't know," Carlisle replies. "It's unusual for a newborn, she must be thirsty."

"Maybe I should stay, Alice can take Nessie," Edward says concerned.

"No," Carlisle says to his son. "I'll stay and keep an eye on her."

'But…" Edward protests.

"Maybe she's getting sick of you," Emmett says amused from somewhere upstairs, probably from his room.

Edward lets out a low growl. "Emmett," Edward hisses murderously.

"Calm down," Carlisle says soothingly. "Just go, I'll stay and figure out what is going on."

And then they left without a word, except Jasper.

"She's worried," Jasper tells Carlisle as he passes him. "And a little frightened… be cautious."

"Thank you Jasper," Carlisle responds and then they were all gone, everyone except Carlisle and me.

I had decided to tell Carlisle about my transformation. It was going to be hard, but I had to. For one, it was eating away at me, I didn't like to lie, but I was protecting Edward. And two, Carlisle spent all his free time researching and quizzing me on the transformation. He was always up in his study testing his theories on morphine. I couldn't let him waste his time when I knew the truth, so it was time I let him in on it.

So I sent Edward hunting with the others, without me. Obviously easier said than done, but I knew it would be hard. I didn't want to be separated from Edward anymore then he did, but it was time. I listened hard, I could still hear Edward, but it was getting dimmer. I found out that Edward and I could still hear each other way after the other Cullen's voices dropped out, it was like we were connected on some strange medium.

"Bella?" Carlisle asks me carefully, they were obviously still waiting for me to snap, yet I felt… normal, same as before I was a vampire.

I instinctively pulled my legs closer to my chest. I didn't answer him. I was waiting until Edward was definitely out of earshot, as these words were not for him to hear. His voice finally left my head and I could no longer hear him. I was glad that I had asked Alice to take him far away. Of course Alice was concerned too, but I promised to go shopping with her and she immediately dropped the topic, in the end it was a small price to pay.

I relaxed a little knowing that Edward could no longer hear. I knew this was the only chance that I would get, as Edward would never leave my side again.

"Bella?" Carlisle asks again, obviously noticing the relaxed change in my posture.

I lift my head off of my knees and look at him. He was sitting next to me on the couch, facing me.

"What's on your mind?" Carlisle asks curiously.

"Edward can't hear," I muse out loud, I was stalling and I knew it.

"No," Carlisle answers seriously. "He can't."

I knew that I couldn't stall any longer. Edward would hunt quickly so that he could see me again, but Renesmee was a fussy eater, so they would be gone for a while at least.

"The morphine," I say out loud, it seemed like a good place as any to start.

"Yes," Carlisle asks intrigued. I wasn't surprised, I had evaded most of his probing questions, just gave him mundane answers.

"It didn't work," I say as I let out a dry laugh, the hard part was over at least, no turning back now. "I knew it wouldn't work."

"What?" Carlisle asks confused. Of course he was confused he was under the pretense that it worked, that I wasn't in pain. "You were in pain? You knew it wouldn't work, how? Why didn't you tell us?"

Carlisle was usually so composed.

"Phoenix," I reply answering his second question. "When James… bit me," Even though it was a distant human memory, it still pained me to think about it. "The burning was there, the morphine didn't even numb it."

"Why didn't you tell us… me?" Carlisle asks overwhelmed, everything he thought he knew was now falling apart, all the research he did was for nothing.

"Edward," I respond. "I knew he wouldn't have changed me if he knew that there was no chance… so I lied."

"We could have found another way," Carlisle defends. "Something else to subside the pain."

"There was no other way," I reply. "I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that the burning would be a thousand times worse than Phoenix, although a million times worse probably more accurately covers it. It was my choice and I made it."

"Okay," Carlisle replies dropping the matter, he knew it was in the past and that he could do nothing to change it now. "So were unconscious during the transformation?" Carlisle asks curious again.

"No," I reply as I drop my head, I wished that I never had to lie to Carlisle in the first place, but it was for Edward's sake.

"You felt it all?" Carlisle asks and I nod my head. "But you were so still," Carlisle says bewildered. "How did you do it?"

"It was black and painful. I wanted so bad just to let go… to die, but I remembered Renesmee," I explain as I look at Carlisle. "Although by then Renesmee was becoming a distant memory, I wasn't even sure if it really did happen, but I hung to the hope that it did and she pulled me through."

"Renesmee," Carlisle muses and I continue.

"When things became clearer I realized that Renesmee wasn't in my arms. I doubted that it ever happened, the memory was fading more and more, making new space for my new memories," I explain. "So I focused on Edward's breaths, it kept me calm. It didn't do much for the pain, but it kept me grounded."

"Exceptional," Carlisle says amazed.

"I heard you and Edward talking," I continue sadly. "He didn't think that I had made it, he thought he hadn't done enough, and I so desperately wanted to reassure him, but I was extremely thankful when you did it for me."

"Why didn't you let him know that you were alright?" Carlisle asks confused. "He was beating himself up."

"I knew that if I broke my concentration I wouldn't be able to stop myself from screaming," I explain thinking back, the memories were so vivid, as they should be, they were my first vampire memories after all. "So I stayed still, not moving. If Edward saw me in pain, then his pain would just increase, he would blame himself even more. I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't put him through that. I didn't want him to suffer anymore than he was, so I stayed still. I stayed still and waited for the burning to subside."

"That's very good Bella. I must say that you have exceptional will power and strength," Carlisle praises me. "Of all the people I've changed and the ones I have witnessed, you are the only one that has not asked to be killed… I can't believe it."

"It wasn't that bad," I reply trying to downplay the event, but of course Carlisle wouldn't be fooled. "It was Edward and Renesmee that got me through."

"Oh Bella," Carlisle says happily. "You need to show your true self sometimes, you don't have to act all brave and tough now, because you are."

"Well," I reply. "If you could have read my thoughts when I was changing then you would have heard me thinking of death instead of enduring the burning. I wanted to be killed, just like every other vampire."

Carlisle let out a small laugh, "Good thing Edward couldn't read your mind then."

"Yeah," I agree.

"So the morphine did nothing?" Carlisle asks curiously.

"I don't know," I reply. "I felt weighted down and I think that was due to the morphine."

"Weighted down?" Carlisle asks confused.

"Yeah," I answer. "I couldn't move, but as soon at the morphine left my system I gained full control over my body, but I didn't dare test it out, screaming was the last thing Edward needed."

"Selfless," Carlisle muses. "It's unbelievably how much you care for others Bella, I'm surprised that you didn't get something more along the lines of Jasper's ability, you would have been able to help so many with it. But that is not saying your ability is not great, you did single-handedly save us from the Volturi."

"It was a group effort," I reply slightly annoyed, I hated everyone saying that we won because of me. Alice was the one who found Nahuel, the half breed that ultimately sealed our victory, I just held them off.

"What was going on when you touched Edward?" Carlisle asks skillfully changing the subject. "It was towards the completion of your transformation, we were talking about Renesmee."

"Oh," I say remembering, this would be the exact moment that my cheeks flushed if I was still human. "I thought… I panicked. I didn't know the whole situation. I thought that there was something wrong with her… I didn't think that it was because of me. The thought never crossed my mind… I would never hurt her."

"I know," Carlisle replies sadly. "But we could not take any chances, you must understand that."

"I do," I say looking down embarrassed. "As I said before I didn't know the situation… I didn't understand at the time."

"Why didn't you answer Edward?" Carlisle asks. "Ask him about Renesmee, you were obviously concerned about her."

"The burning," I reply. "I didn't have control yet."

"Ah," Carlisle says impressed. "That is utterly amazing."

"Anything else you want to know?" I ask Carlisle. "While Edward's away… it's the only chance I'm going to have to be truthful and I want you to get all the answers that you need, no matter the question."

"Okay," Carlisle says as he thinks about it. "Your preparation, what did you do to prepare so that you were so controlled?"

"Nothing really," I reply truthfully. "The main thing I focused on was Edward. I was so sure that when I changed I wouldn't feel the same… that my desire for him would be replaced by thirst, but it wasn't. It was stronger, way stronger then when I was human. I think my vampire senses allowed me to see him better… to see all of him, my human senses seem so feeble now… even a hindrance."

"So you didn't prepare your mind?" Carlisle asks in disbelief.

"Everything I did prepare myself for… like the thirst," I explain to Carlisle. "Wasn't as bad as I had imagined, so maybe that's why I coped so well. Nothing was as bad as I had imagined… well except for the burning," I say as I cringe. "That was definitely worse than I imagined."

"That could be why," Carlisle muses out loud. "You could have over exaggerated everything, so that when it did finally come around you felt as though you could easily get through it. What about your control? How did you manage to change mid thought? How did you restrain from attacking Jacob for so long?"

"You said to me, right after I transformed, that I would snap at any minute," I explain. "I never once felt like I was going to snap, that I was going to lose control, but I knew there was a risk so I was cautious, careful to avoid anything that might set me off. I actually compared myself to a young werewolf," I tell Carlisle as I let out a small laugh.

"What?" Carlisle asks confused. "A young werewolf?"

"When I first met the pack," I explain. "Paul had a little trouble controlling his temper… he turned into a wolf right in front of me. He lost control so fast, so when I thought that I might snap I immediately thought of Paul. One insignificant thing could set me off and I wouldn't be able to control myself."

"Fascinating," Carlisle says trying to absorb all this new information. "How did you forget about the thirst?" Carlisle asks surprised. "The immense burning is enough to sidetrack any newborn, yet you seemed to repress it."

"I forgot about it," I reply sheepishly. "I had so many questions that I wanted answers to, there was so much I wanted to do and see, my head was so clear. The only time I thought of the thirst was when someone reminded me of it, then it burnt, but Edward was a very good distraction to my thirst."

"You were… are so rational," Carlisle says his eyes alight with excitement. "How were you able to break off mid hunt with human scent in the air? It would have smelt so good and you would have been able to hear the blood pumping around their veins, yet you ran, left mid hunt."

"It was easy," I reply. "Well it was easy once Edward broke my concentration. As soon as I knew someone was following me I knew that I had to defend my prey. Then I saw it was Edward and I realized what was going on. My main thought was what if it's someone I know… someone from Forks, so I did the only thing that I knew would work. I held my breath and ran as far away from the temptation as I could. I didn't even dare breathe until I knew it was safe."

"It was so irresponsible though, we should have come with you," Carlisle says guiltily. "You should have never been put in that position. Edward should have checked and made sure that everything was safe."

"Edward," I say thinking back to the hunt as I let out a laugh.

"What?" Carlisle asks confused.

"When I had just finished hunting my first mountain lion Edward asked me if I was still thirsty and of course I was," I explain to Carlisle clearly remembering the memory as it happened yesterday. "Edward suggests that we could go back and hunt the humans if I wanted to… he was giving me a free pass."

"How could he," Carlisle scolds his son. "What did you do?" He asks excitedly.

"I rolled my eyes and snorted," I reply replaying the memory over and over again. "And I told him _'Let's go hunt some stinking herbivores'_."

"Amazing," Carlisle says laughing. "I would have never been able to break off mid hunt let alone give up a free pass to go back and hunt the humans."

"Yeah," I reply. "But you have a ton of control now. You can operate on humans, their blood flowing freely, that's pretty impressive."

"Yeah," Carlisle replies as he lets out a small laugh. "That is from years and years of practice, you're not even a year old and I'm sure that you would be able to operate on a human if you wanted to."

"Ah, blood," I say disgusted. "I hated the smell of blood when I was human, it made me faint. If I had brought that forward from my human life… I don't know what I would do."

"It would have been fairly interesting," Carlisle says amused. "A vampire who faints at the smell of blood, you would have been one of a kind."

"I'm also glad that I didn't bring my clumsiness across either," I tell Carlisle. "Emmett would have teased me relentlessly."

"That he would," Carlisle replies. "How were you so sure that everything would turn out okay?" Carlisle asks turning serious again. "That Renesmee would be healthy and that you would make it through as well?"

"I had a dream," I answer. "I dreamt about a young boy before I even married Edward. Then when Edward and I got married and went to Esme Isle, the dreams became clearer. I knew that the child was important and that I had to protect him no matter what."

"That's why you were so sure it was going to be a boy," Carlisle muses. "Because of these dreams… what were you protecting him from?"

"The Volturi," I reply. "It was always the Volturi… killing everyone, trying to get the young boy."

"Wow," Carlisle says impressed. "It like the dreams were prophecies, they did come true."

"Yeah," I agree. "I wondered once if that was my gift, if my dreams did somehow tell the future, but I think it was just Renesmee inside of me. She was steering me in the right direction, making sure that when the time came I would keep her, that I would protect her."

"Just amazing," Carlisle says excitedly. "Renesmee is quite a wonderful creation, isn't she?"

"Yeah," I agree. "She's one of a kind."

"Thank you Bella," Carlisle says earnestly.

"For what?" I ask confused.

"For letting me know," Carlisle answers. "You didn't have to tell me about your transformation or any of this, but I'm glad you did, it was definitely insightful."

"No problem," I reply. "It's just lucky that I could get Edward to leave without me."

"Yeah," Carlisle agrees. "He is not going to let you out of his sight again, you know."

"I know," I reply thinking of Edward. "I hope this helped," I say to Carlisle. "And that you will be able to get some new theories now."

"I do not think that is necessary," Carlisle says happily. "It is just you Bella. You confused Edward when you were human, he never knew what you were going to do, you were always doing the opposite to what any other human would do in your situation. I think that you were made to become a vampire, it was always your destiny, Alice saw it early on and Edward tried to avoid it, but it was inevitable. You were born human just to become a vampire… to become Edward's soul mate."

"That's what I have been trying to tell Edward all along," I tell Carlisle as I let out an unnecessary sigh, human habits die hard. "Maybe you should tell him."

"I believe you," Edward says running. "Well the soul mate part at least."

"Edward's coming," I say excitedly to Carlisle.

"I don't hear anything," Carlisle replies confused. "But I know not to doubt you, thank you again, Bella. Thank you for trusting me and for sharing."

"Anytime," I say truthfully. "Well anytime I can convince Edward to go hunting without me."

"Good luck with that," Carlisle replies as he lets out a little laugh. "I can hear them now, so until next time, if there ever is one."

"There will be," I reply confidently. "I really enjoyed talking with you without the others around."

"Peaceful wasn't it," Carlisle says just as the rest of the Cullen's join us in the living room.

"You're coming with us next time," Edward says sternly to me as he hands me Renesmee and puts his arm protectively around me.

"Yeah," Emmett agrees. "He wouldn't shut up about you, at least if you're there next time he won't be worried he'll be…"

"Emmett," Edward says cutting him off obviously hearing his thoughts. I knew where he was going anyway, you didn't need to read minds to know what Emmett was thinking most of the time. "You have a good time with Carlisle?" Edward asks me.

"Yeah," I reply truthfully as I smile at Carlisle. "The best."

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**A/N- **Read and Review, as I'd really appreciate your feedback

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**I hope you enjoyed reading this story and if you did I'd just like to let you know that I've recently published my first novel as an eBook and would be greatly appreciative if you could check it out at, l****ink is on my profile page. Thank you for your support in advance, it really means a lot to me.**


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